Day 6: What the Mirror Showed

Do you know what I realized the other day? When I’m not doing a challenge, I have days off. Each week I would plan my yoga out for the next seven days. I wrote it into my calendar, and only a true emergency could get me to cancel it. I don’t think I ever cancelled on myself. During the course of a yoga practice, we all have bad classes. I have classes that are just dreadful to get through, and I am sure I will die – you know, all the normal thoughts and experiences that come with a Bikram yoga practice.

When I have an awful class, I console myself by reminding myself when my day off is. I say, “This class was bad, but I get a break tomorrow!” And those breaks help mentally.

A few days ago, I realized that if/when (let’s be honest, this is probably a WHEN situation) I have a bad class between now and July 8th, I do not get a break. I do not get any sort of break until July 9th, and then I signed myself up for a week of whitewater kayaking and rafting and hiking on the days I am not in whitewater. That’s a lot of fun, but also a lot of work. What was I thinking? I should have done a spa week for a vacation.

Today, I was in class staring at myself in the mirror. My class today was just fine. I was looking at myself thinking about this realization that when I do have a bad class, I will just have to keep coming back day after day after day. And for the first time I appreciated that I would be forced back into the room by the challenge (ok – ask me if I appreciate it when I am in the middle of experiencing it!). Before, when I have a bad class, I have latched onto my next day off to mentally get me through however many classes were between me and my break. With the challenge, I must face myself and deal with myself day after day after day. I never realized how hard it can be to look at yourself in the mirror and confront your self both mentally and physically every day. If I had a bad class tomorrow and said, “It’s ok. I get a day off in just 58 more days,” that’s hardly going to help. I have to contend with it. I have to contend with everything. To do the challenge means more than just showing up for class and doing the postures. I have to work on engaging and dealing with myself and all the good and the bad I bring into the room.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. bitchingaboutbikram
    May 09, 2012 @ 13:56:07

    Amazing post. I’ve yet to complete a challenge, but I know I plan on committing to one this year – hopefully a 60-day. And I think you’ve hit upon what I most fear: Dealing with MYSELF day in and day out. No escape, no numbing, no going into my Man Cave, no giving up on myself… but instead, ninety minutes of my reflection every single day.

    You’re an inspiration. And I agree that you should have scheduled a spa week. 🙂

    Reply

  2. leighahall
    May 09, 2012 @ 14:41:07

    Thanks so much! I hope you get to do your challenge soon. I will look forward to hearing about it one day. You can do it!

    Reply

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