Day 48: Let’s Start the Body Image Conversation

I was out shopping and found a pair of shorts I liked. Now, I don’t want to start posting my sizes or measurements on my blog. For the sake of clarity, let’s say there are four sizes: A, B, C, D and A is the smallest. I am usually a B 95% of the time, and the other 5% I am a C. I am never an A or a D.

The sizes for the shorts are on the hangers. I see they are all out of size B. Drat! Ok – there’s a size C. It might work. Worth a try.

I put the shorts on. They fit just fine except for one thing – they won’t button. I am annoyed. I actually have to buy a D? What the heck? What has happened to me since I started this challenge? Why won’t these shorts, which should be at least a little big on me, button?

They won’t button  because someone placed them on the wrong hanger. The inside of the shorts reveals they are really a size A, a size that is always too small for me. My mood changes from one of depression and anger to one of happiness all because of a number.

That’s originally all I really wanted to tell y’all. I wanted to make a point about how my body had changed some since the challenge started. That change is not reflected in the scale (I have lost two pounds in 48 days), but the shape of my body is clearly changing due to my practice in ways that are good for me and have nothing to do with clothing size.

But now I want to add a little more. It’s really unfortunate that I became upset when I thought the shorts were a Size C and too small. I knew how much I weighed, I knew I didn’t need to lose weight, but I let a number in my head dictate my self-worth to me, and that is not right. I let that number steal my peace and my self-worth from me. I should not do that.

I have a long history of body image issues that began when I was around 13/14 years old. I’m not going back that far today. For now, I simply want to acknowledge outloud that I had them, and that I still have them. I know I am healthy, but some days that is not enough to keep me happy. During this challenge, my body image issues have actually lessened and yet they all came flying back for a second in that dressing room. I want to talk about them here. I think I should as I know I am not the only one with them, but I also want to talk about how this practice has helped me start to overcome them without even realizing I was doing that.

Today I just want to step my toe into the conversation. I need to think about it more before I go further. Soon. I am almost ready.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. bitchingaboutbikram
    Jun 20, 2012 @ 14:43:28

    I’m with you. I’ve been thinking of talking about this more on my blog as well.

    Reply

    • leighahall
      Jun 20, 2012 @ 17:53:28

      It’s not an easy topic to talk about. I’ve been thinking about how to discuss it for almost four months. I’ll do it eventually. I think it’s important to share.

      Reply

  2. loribruner
    Jun 20, 2012 @ 15:55:06

    It takes a BOATLOAD of guts to step your toe into this conversation, Leigh!!! I do not own a scale in my house because I used it to measure my own self-worth for years, and years, and years, and years. Yoga was and still is a major factor in helping me make some peace with my own body. Some days are easier and less of a struggle than others. Even if this is the only posting you write about the issue, it’s a major win. Talking about body image can leave you feeling horrifically vulnerable because you feel like you’re the only one in the world who thinks the way you think or does the things you do (even if your brain knows this isn’t true). It can also leave you feeling pretty awesome and empowered because you’re comfortable enough in yourself to go there. YOU ROCK!!!

    Reply

    • leighahall
      Jun 20, 2012 @ 17:55:21

      Thanks Lori! I do own a scale, and I get on it every single day. It’s like I am tethered to it. I know I’m not the only one with body image issues. I don’t know why I have been so cautious about discussing it because it is relevant to my blog. Maybe because it’s just so personal. Anyways, thanks for your comment. 🙂

      Reply

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