Halfway to 100 and I Have a Hole in My Butt

Yesterday I completed class 50 in my 100-Day challenge! It seems like a big deal, and it seems like not a big deal all at once. Very weird. Anyways, I checked and the last time I did this many classes in a row was when I did my 66-Day challenge in spring 2012. That was three years ago! I am looking forward to busting my streak.

I wish I could tell you that Day 50 was something magical, but I can’t. Because on Day 50 I went to class dead tired. I took a 15-minute nap on my mat before class started. It was so good. I could tell I was not operating at my best during class. I didn’t feel awful – I wasn’t dizzy or anything – I was just so damn tired. So I didn’t push myself too hard and just did the class. When I got home I felt a tiny bit better – a bit more alert.

fiftyI also wish I could tell you that my postures are getting better, and that my triangle keeps improving (like I did here). But I can’t say that. In fact, I’m starting to question if yoga is even about the postures. I think the postures are a means to an end – to get us somewhere else. Since Day-40 my triangle has basically fallen apart, but my balancing stick has gotten a lot better. The last few days I’ve been doing some great back bends during the half moon series (for me – I never get that far back), and my camel is not to shabby.

You know what a challenge really does for me? It beats into me that I have to accept what I cannot control. I cannot control when my triangle is going to improve and what is going to happen to it. I can only go to class. And Day-50 brought me a life lesson in just this area but off the mat.

I have a pair of jeans that I love more than anything. They are about eight years old and cost me just 50.00. I hadn’t intended to buy them in the first place. I was interested in buying a top and wanted to see how it would look with a pair of jeans. The jeans fit so beautifully that I bought them. I don’t think I got the top. We’ve been best friends ever since.

Well, on Day-50 I had to go in to my office, but it was a pretty laid back day – just meetings and working by myself. So I tossed on my favorite pair of jeans, a long sleeve shirt, and a jacket that came down below my butt (that part is important). Then off I went. At around 2:30 I went to the bathroom and saw something about my jeans that made me pause.

Is that???

Is it a????

OMG. That’s not one giant whole in my butt. There are three separate giant holes in my butt.

The first thing I wondered was how many people saw this. I threw on my jacket and discovered it covered them.

I looked a bit like this but from behind.

I looked a bit like this but from behind.

Whew! But these holes were not small. There is no way they had happened that day. Those holes had to have been there for awhile. God only knows how many people saw me with holes in my butt.

Once I got past that then I had to come to terms with the loss of my jeans. No, I have not thrown them out yet. They are special to me. We have been through too much. I was dragged around on my butt by a horse and these jeans survived! When I wear them I remember that moment in my life – which might sound awful, but it has it’s own special place in my memory. That was a moment where I was told that my yoga practice probably saved my life because it helped me develop a core and an ability to focus and do what I needed to do in a terrible moment. I feel like I should save them.

But here’s the thing – the challenge forces me to face my self and my realities every day both on and off the mat. I know from experience that I can ignore these realities, but my practice has taught me that ignoring them, no matter how small, will not help. No matter how uncomfortable or sad I am about something. I have to engage with it.

And on a side note, if anyone at Banana Republic can get me a replacement pair of Urban Boot Cut jeans I would be forever grateful. I can provide pictures. Although I am not sure if I can ever love another pair of jeans again like I did these. I’m working on this reality.

Three Years Ago Today on MBYL

Two Years Ago Today on MBYL

One Year Ago Today on MBYL



1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. LeighAHall (@LeighAHall)
    Mar 19, 2015 @ 08:41:23

    Day 50 in my 100-Day challenge! Plus @BananaRepublic , my fav. jeans died and I need help! http://t.co/pxo4J76afT #bikramyoga #yogaholicsmag


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